It all started with the first image below. Myself and Sarah had gone away on holiday with friends to Croatia, to an amazing music festival. It was perfect for relaxing by the sea with some music, we’d been before to Croatia (Dubrovnik), accept this time things were different, other than the fact we were further up the coast Sarah was pregnant. I’m not sure I fully appreciated then what I appreciate now but how could you? Sure, I knew there would be a lot to do and going out whenever wouldn’t be what life was about but it’s hard to judge how you might be affected.
These are pretty much the only shots I took of her during the nine months and even these very nearly didn’t exist because my dog got the film in her mouth and started to chew it just before I managed to save it. We’re going back again next week which what prompted me to blog these and write a bit about the time since having Audrey. The thing is being a dad is tough – I could probably also write being a mum is tough, but with me being a man and writing this from a personal point of view I wanted to put it out there. I know looking below it might seem that I fit the role naturally but really I don’t – as odd as it sounds I’m not a natural dad. For me adjusting to the life of a family man has been a big curve, I loved weekends and parties, clubs and mornings after and I knew a lot of people in that passing ships kind of way that a London night life offers – you just don’t see certain characters away from that environment yet sure enough in the kitchen at the next party at five in the morning or at the festival as the sun is rising they’ll be there at the bar primed and ready with the best conversation devoid of all boundaries or judgments. It’s no lie I miss those times and I miss those characters. There’s something about modern life where it’s as if you’re not meant to think like that and there’s a natural age you cross where suddenly you’re a changed person and maybe watching Phil and Kirsty on Channel 4 won’t be such a bad thing – oh no, it will. I’m not saying being a dad isn’t also great, because it is. Taking time to get a smile from Audrey is pretty amazing…. every… time. I love putting her to bed and watching her suck her thumb; being a dad is great but it’s also hard, especially if you still love getting out and for other potential dads worried they’re not ready, well if you’re like me, you probably never will be, but’s that okay, we’re all different and you’ll do just fine.
Well we head back next week with friends and I’m really excited. These are some of the moments so far.